I own my own planet.
The currency there has my face on it. I am a dynamic figure,
often seen scaling walls and rescuing small animals and
childern. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I
write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally,
I tread water for three days in a row. I taught the Jacksons
how to dance, and Whitney Huston .. I have given her numerous
singing lessons. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike
trombone playing--I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines
with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies
in twenty minutes.!
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw
in Peru.- Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I
once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon
Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass
cello.When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in
my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. I am an abstract artist,concrete
analyst, and a ruthless bookie. critics worldwide swoon
over my original line of corduroy evening wear- I don't
perspire.- I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I enjoy urban handgliding. My deft floral
arrangements have earned me fame in international botany
circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at
small moving objects with deadly accuracy. . I know the
exact location of every food item in the supermarket.. I
have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I
sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact
origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but
forgot to write it down. The laws of physics do not apply
to me. I breed prize winning clams. and ... I have spoken